AmazonMidwife

This is what passes for banter in our house:
Boy: "Dad, choose a number between 1 and 10."
'Savant: "4.7853629105"
Boy: "I said choose one number between 1 and 10."
'Savant: "I did. There's an infinite amount of numbers between 1 and 10"

(The Boy was trying to sandbag his dad into talking about his new favorite obsession, Ben 10, and gets hit with a math lecture---another example of Machiavellian Homeschooling at its finest. But it goes on:)

Boy: "No, Dad. I want you to choose a regular number so I can tell you which alien you like the best."

Instead of seizing the opportunity to expand on his math lecture, the 'Savant goes wacky/wicked:

'Savant: "I will if you will answer me these questions three."
Boy: "Okay."

Obviously, we've been slacking on our Python tutelege. But it's pretty clear to me that we're doing pretty well on teaching geek.

So, I've been pondering on this Palin birth buareadh. It's just chock full of issues for me, no matter which way I look at it. Here's the best, most charitable angle from which I can view it: that the baby was indeed Palin's daughter's child, and Palin acted from a (misguided from my perspective) fear that having an illegitimate child would indeed ruin her daughter's life and created the charade pregnancy to save her daughter. (Yes, I know that it would also save her OWN reputation, and there were several degrees of self-interest involved. However, as I said previously, this is the MOST charitable reading I can give this situation.)

How can this be the best of all possible perspectives? Well, as per the title, I have judgement issues regarding Palin's parenting choices. I've had them ever since I heard that she was boasting about going back to work three days after having the baby. I know that economic necessity faced by some moms who indeed MUST return to work prematurely postpartum; I've been at some of their births. And, indeed, most postpartum mothers who have older children return to work prematurely as well, but that gets into a whole 'nuther rant re women and unpaid work. However, when I'm thinking about Palin, it's hard for me to imagine that the state of Alaska medical benefits forced her to return to work that soon. And, considering that our supposed President regularly takes a couple weeks off to go vacation at his ranch, I can't imagine that there would be such pressing matters in Alaska that Gov. Palin couldn't have handled them by doing a little work from home via the phone or with administrative aides shuttling back and forth a bit.

Okay, so I was giving the Boy a writing diagnostic yesterday in preparation for purchasing curricula for this 'school year'. He wasn't happy at all about writing and was having quite the snit fit, so I decided I'd try to reason with him on his level:

Me: Listen, my friend, you have to be able to write to take over the world. How will you be able to issue commands to your minions if you can't write?
Him: I will have a scribe!!!!!! (emphasis his)

(Luckily, I was able to think of a quick comeback:)
Me: What if your scribe steals your ideas and takes over the world himself?
Him: (pausing for just a beat) I will keep him in a prison!!!
Me: (heroically keeping a poker face) Dude, then you'll have to spend time feeding him and taking him to the bathroom and making sure that he won't escape. You won't have time for your evil plans. It'd be simpler to learn to write.

He didn't have a comeback for this, only because he was trying to keep from smiling. I don't think he was converted to the light side, but he did finish the diagnostic without another tantrum.

I so rule.

So, I found a vastly appealing blog by an author who calls herself "Attila the Mom" last night and stayed up too late reading it. I particularly loved this:
which I showed the kids this morning, much to their glee, esp. the Boy who ran around chanting "I will whup your narrow ass!" so much that he forgot to pack clothes for the piano lessons he had after swim team practice. (So I got to say it to him in somewhat earnest when I discovered this lack of preparation when we got to swim practice.)

Then I went to Too Tight Pony Girl's blog and read this, thinking to myself that the summer vacation honeymoon was wearing off for moms of traditional schoolers. Ima gonna have to look sharp iffen I wanna keep up my title of "World's Meanest Mama".

Finally, as Steph was getting Her Girl to try on a dress that Steph was making for her, I overheard a snippet which took me back to my younger self standing by my mom's sewing machine.

"Ouch! This has pins in it!"
"Oh, quit whining. Getting stuck by pins has never killed anyone." Then, "Wait! Pull the dress down. The pins like it better that way."

Tough love, I tell you. Moderate it with a gentler tone and a wicked sense of humor and what do you get? A kid that reminds you (with a smart-assed grin) "Remember, I get to pick your nursing home." What else could a mother ask for?

Yes, Comfest is a verb chez nous. Amazonmidwife's lexicon defines it as "attending the festival (of the same name) in a manner that keeps the mellow for all." (or something like that---hey, I'm a little tired from being @Comfest since 10AM.) Just take my advice, since I consider the 'Savant and I to have reached professional status having reached our aluminum (traditional) anniversary as a Comfest-ing family.

1. Pay for parking Spending precious time (and gas) and most importantly, the limited patience of your offspring hunting a parking space is not mellow-inducing. Nor will a long trek from (or more importantly back to your car) improve matters. Save invoking Gladys the goddess of parking for more worthy causes (like finding a spot in front of the CCM 2 minutes before it closes.) There are places that are raising funds for worthy causes by charging for parking. Support them and improve you car-ma. (I crack myself up when I'm this tired.)

2. Arrive early You won't even be able to pay for parking if you don't get there before the hung-over kidless people who stayed to hear the last bands. It's also a great time to do shopping---much less crowded. Most importantly, you get first pick of the shadiest places for spreading your blanket---also a necessity; I've actually gotten kids to nap for a half-hour or so during the hottest part of the day. It's also a lot easier to have a home base from which to send one parent for necessities instead of dragging the kids around all day. (Besides, you want to get a good place for hearing the music, not one that will deafen you or the kids.)
Conversely, Leave early The cumulative effects of imbibing all day causes other festival goers (esp. the childless ones) to forget their inhibitions and training. My personal irritant: intoxicated smokers. We try to leave around 7. Yes, we miss some of the bands, but keep our mellow. If one of your favorite bands is playing later, arrange for childcare and have a date. Nobody can hear the band while an overtired kid is tantruming/crying.

3. Bring food and water I know this is not recommended by the Comfest organizers, but one cannot feed kids on festival food alone and expect them to maintain the mellow. (esp. since the Co-op isn't doing a food booth this year.) And I can't be expected to be mellow about dropping all the $$$ I want to use for shopping on food. We found some backpack coolers and pack lunches as well as a few snacks. We end up buying special treats anyhow, but at least I know that the kids have had some decent food before they eat the junk.
As for water, I just can't see buying more plastic bottles of it that would (conditional tense deliberate; see #5) end up going in the bins for the Comfest recycling people to have to deal with. We have a 2.5 gal cooler that we fill with (mostly) ice, water and limes. The 'Savant carries around with us until we get to the (non-profit) booths that we help staff. (The 'Savant works the FreeGeek booth, while I help out @ the CHOICE booth; yes we stagger the times and that's a whole 'nother entry.)

4. Everyone carries something Or, as my Friend Stephanie puts it,"Why have dwarves if you don't put them to work?" (Steph's not much into being PC.) Even a 5 year old can carry a small backpack lunch with a full water bottle and a plastic bag with some wet wipes in it.

5. Pack out your trash Did I mention that the 'Savant's volunteer shift is with the trash crew this year? This is what we do to make up for the sin of bringing our own food/water. It teaches some great lessons in responsibility and also helps moderate the kids' greed for junk food. "Do you really want to put that back into your backpack when you're done with it?" We put plastic grocery bags (which we still seem to have, even though we've been using recyclable bags since the winter) in everyone's lunch pack and the kids are responsible for coping with disposal when we get home.