AmazonMidwife

I surfed over to Sundays With Stretchy Pants today to read her latest blog entry and was in the middle of leaving a smart-assed remark (my specialty) when the marvelous phrase in the title came tumbling out of my fingertips. Eureka! It seemed to illustrate some ideas that I've been mulling over (we ENFPs and our internal processing; there's all sorts of things percolating in the dark recesses of my subconscious.) I promptly called dibs on it, and hereby lay claim to all rights and privileges thereof. As my friends at The Stranger say, "the internet is a race" and this time I won, 'cause there was no such phrase on Google. (I just checked.) You may use the phrase as long as you credit/link me. (My internal language police made me change the spelling here to reflect a Spanish adverb, but what's an 'L' between friends?)

But I digress. So, the following wasn't supposed to be part of the original vida intelectual, but a few exchanges I just had with the Boy illustrated the concept, and more importantly overcame my writer's inertia. So, I'll save the redux for another time when I have time AND can overcome inertia (aka a blue moon). There's a lengthy set-up, because that's how I write. If you want brevity, go find a paid journalist.

So the Boy is writing some sentences due to an incident last night. Perhaps the sentences themselves will be the best descriptor:

"Spitting at someone is a nasty, gross & violent thing to do. It could cause someone to do something violent and hurtful to me."

Yes the Boy got mad at his sister as we were leaving the swim meet last night. (One just doesn't do something like that in my world.) Although, I have been told that I am a sheltered flower having grown up with just a sister, that boys take longer to learn/process socially acceptable ways to express their aggression. (Actually, the phrase was "Boys will be boys" and it was spoken by the 'Savant's indulgent older sister, but that was the meaning I took from her words.) Nonetheless, this was beyond the pale of social acceptability so I told him that he must write sentences, the content of which I would determine in the AM.

Yes, I know that punishment doesn't work to modify behavior, but I'm reframing this as informed consent of natural consequences. I can picture the natural consequences that would have happened if he'd been closer and had better aim. (Who knew there was an art to spitting?) The 'Savant & I were walking about 10 ft. behind the pair of them and wouldn't have gotten there in time to prevent a reprisal.

Mama Dee gave me the idea: she's used it with success with all of her kids. It isn't a new concept either; the Girl has been writing sentences for awhile now. In fact, she is currently writing copies of a quite long screed that details proper clean-up of towels and dirty clothes after a shower. I've given each kid a notebook to use specifically for sentences, mostly because I'm too lazy to come up with fresh ones if the kid reoffends. (The Girl is of the"those who learn hardest, learn best school" so I have no delusions of a one-time cure-all.) It woudn't have been blog-worthy, esp. not la-vida-intelectual-worthy if it weren't for the following exchanges:

Boy: Mom, you forgot to put a whachamacallit, a comma after gross.
Me: Good eye. You can write one less sentence for that.
(he goes back to writing for a minute)

Boy: Mom, you forgot to put an 'r' in hurtful.
Me: (seeing the set up) Let me see. Nice try. My penmanship is legible enough that you were able to make it out. Make sure yours is as readable.
(he laughs and goes back to writing for awhile)

Boy: Mom, why is spitting violent?
Me: (taken aback) Well, you are putting part of your body on someone else without their permission to start with. You can infect them your germs. And it's the energy behind the act. You were mad at your sister and you wanted to hurt her, your intention was hurtful. It's the intention of the act. You can say something nice, but if you feel mean or angry when you say them, that's what shows. (It was repetitive and run-on, but on the whole, I was happy with what bubbled up without conscious flower.)
Boy: Oh. (visibly thinking for a bit. Then, a shift.) Why is saliva germy. I thought it captured germs.
Me: Well, that's something you can look up when you're finished. I think it may have something to do with one person's saliva being suited to that person and not so much for another person.

The first exchange actually illustrated what I call 'stealth homeschooling' We had recently finished some work on punctuation, so I wanted to reward him for remembering and applying what he'd learned. The second was more a rebuke for overt & inept manipulation. But I also recognized that he's made progress in his techniques to dominate the world. There's much less threatening to throw obstructive people in the dungeon and more bambi eyes & other ham-fisted manoeuvers.

But the third exchange, that was the bonus. I didn't expect my positive reinforcement to happen so fast. Truthfully, I wasn't sure it would work at all. Being brought up 'by hand', as corporal punishment is called in something I've read, this was an theory. La vida intelectual, she can be sweet. Now if I can get the Girl to hang up her wet towels...