AmazonMidwife

Mama Grinch. Or at least that's what I've been accused of being by the Girl. But this is my blog so listen to my side of the story. It started about 6 months ago when I noticed that the Girl was putting her clean, still folded clothing back down the laundry chute to be washed. As one might expect, I was less than pleased, 'cause I am not a cheerful, or even resigned, Sisyphus when it comes to housework. So, I told her that she could do her own laundry for awhile---until she came up with a written apology that included why what she did was wrong as well as a plan to ensure that it wouldn't happen again. This took about a week, and probably would have taken longer, if one of her homeschool friend's mom (my friend as well) decided to help her formulate the letter. I then had her post said letter on her mirror, and we went back to me doing the bulk of the laundry and she and the Boy, helping out with various parts when I asked them.

This worked fine for about 4 months, then I found more clean, folded laundry in the pile. This time I told her that she could do ALL the laundry, so she might appreciate how much it entailed. (I also wanted to get away from the wasteful small loads that composed her personal laundry.) This was quite the PITA for me, since I had to supervise her so the 'Savant's and my work clothes would be done properly. But I tried to use the time productively, trying to see from where she thought the problem stemmed (she didn't know), pointing out that the time she was spending doing the laundry vastly overshadowed the time it took her to put the clothes away, as well as talking about the energy and water waste that she was causing. I also asked her how many times it would take before she learned that one MUST PUT AWAY ONE'S LAUNDRY chez nous. And since repeated infractions of a rule are a common pattern for her, I gave her the consequences of failing to do so again: that she would have to wear the same clothes for a week, with a note on them explaining WHY she was wearing them.

Well, on Saturday, I was helping the kids clean their toy room. I was already in a bad mood since I had been reminding them all week that it needed to be done before I was willing to get out the additional mess of Easter decorations, and they had only made tepid attempts to clean it (and they aren't willing to purge it to help keep it clean.) I was going through the costume boxes and lo, what did I find but more clean, folded clothes! It wasn't pretty, except for pretty loud.

So now I have to follow through. She got one pair of pjs, a sweat shirt, a t-shirt, some pants and a daily change of socks and underwear to last all week. (Her answer was to wear the clothes she was wearing Saturday all day yesterday as well, which worked since we stayed home and had a low key holiday anyway. Easter came too early this year; when I read that it won't be this early again for over 200 years, I mentally decided that we weren't going to do much celebrating anyhow; I already have a grudge at the Christian co-option of the pagan spring holiday anyhow, so I figured that we'd do something celebratory when it started to look more like spring around here anyhow. I'm just surly all around, huh?

AAAANYWAY, she got her clothes today, so there's been no impact yet. (The note won't make any sense yet so I didn't have her put it on); it's going to say "Ask me why I'm wearing dirty clothes." I'm not big on the shame factor, but I was casting about for natural consequences when I was inspired by the DWI yellow-and-red plates given to offenders who need driving privileges for work. Like those folks, she needs to be able to go about her work, attending classes and such. It's not like I can leave her at home in her underwear all week. "Hello, Children Services?" My only other idea was to have her write "I will put my clean clothes away immediately and correctly when they are laundered." a gazillion times. But writing lines has always seemed more like a punishment and less like a consequence to me. I mean, how many time do grown-ups have to write sentences when they screw up? If you have a better idea, I'd love to hear it!

It worries me, though, this pattern of repeated mistakes. Right now the consequences are minor and remediable. (Back when I managed an ICF/MR, I attended this training about helping adults with MR/DD make decisions. The training divided the consequences from decisions/behavior into minor/major and remediable/permanent. Getting a bad haircut: minor and remediable. Flunking out of college: major and remediable (with time, $$ and work.) Getting a tattoo: minor and permanent (more or less). Having a child: major and permanent.) But what happens as she grows and the stakes get bigger? I console myself with the thought that she still has a lot of developing to do. And then there's the old adage: those that learn hardest learn best. But who wants their kids to suffer? According to the Girl, I do. Oh well.