AmazonMidwife

So, I found a vastly appealing blog by an author who calls herself "Attila the Mom" last night and stayed up too late reading it. I particularly loved this:
which I showed the kids this morning, much to their glee, esp. the Boy who ran around chanting "I will whup your narrow ass!" so much that he forgot to pack clothes for the piano lessons he had after swim team practice. (So I got to say it to him in somewhat earnest when I discovered this lack of preparation when we got to swim practice.)

Then I went to Too Tight Pony Girl's blog and read this, thinking to myself that the summer vacation honeymoon was wearing off for moms of traditional schoolers. Ima gonna have to look sharp iffen I wanna keep up my title of "World's Meanest Mama".

Finally, as Steph was getting Her Girl to try on a dress that Steph was making for her, I overheard a snippet which took me back to my younger self standing by my mom's sewing machine.

"Ouch! This has pins in it!"
"Oh, quit whining. Getting stuck by pins has never killed anyone." Then, "Wait! Pull the dress down. The pins like it better that way."

Tough love, I tell you. Moderate it with a gentler tone and a wicked sense of humor and what do you get? A kid that reminds you (with a smart-assed grin) "Remember, I get to pick your nursing home." What else could a mother ask for?

Yes, Comfest is a verb chez nous. Amazonmidwife's lexicon defines it as "attending the festival (of the same name) in a manner that keeps the mellow for all." (or something like that---hey, I'm a little tired from being @Comfest since 10AM.) Just take my advice, since I consider the 'Savant and I to have reached professional status having reached our aluminum (traditional) anniversary as a Comfest-ing family.

1. Pay for parking Spending precious time (and gas) and most importantly, the limited patience of your offspring hunting a parking space is not mellow-inducing. Nor will a long trek from (or more importantly back to your car) improve matters. Save invoking Gladys the goddess of parking for more worthy causes (like finding a spot in front of the CCM 2 minutes before it closes.) There are places that are raising funds for worthy causes by charging for parking. Support them and improve you car-ma. (I crack myself up when I'm this tired.)

2. Arrive early You won't even be able to pay for parking if you don't get there before the hung-over kidless people who stayed to hear the last bands. It's also a great time to do shopping---much less crowded. Most importantly, you get first pick of the shadiest places for spreading your blanket---also a necessity; I've actually gotten kids to nap for a half-hour or so during the hottest part of the day. It's also a lot easier to have a home base from which to send one parent for necessities instead of dragging the kids around all day. (Besides, you want to get a good place for hearing the music, not one that will deafen you or the kids.)
Conversely, Leave early The cumulative effects of imbibing all day causes other festival goers (esp. the childless ones) to forget their inhibitions and training. My personal irritant: intoxicated smokers. We try to leave around 7. Yes, we miss some of the bands, but keep our mellow. If one of your favorite bands is playing later, arrange for childcare and have a date. Nobody can hear the band while an overtired kid is tantruming/crying.

3. Bring food and water I know this is not recommended by the Comfest organizers, but one cannot feed kids on festival food alone and expect them to maintain the mellow. (esp. since the Co-op isn't doing a food booth this year.) And I can't be expected to be mellow about dropping all the $$$ I want to use for shopping on food. We found some backpack coolers and pack lunches as well as a few snacks. We end up buying special treats anyhow, but at least I know that the kids have had some decent food before they eat the junk.
As for water, I just can't see buying more plastic bottles of it that would (conditional tense deliberate; see #5) end up going in the bins for the Comfest recycling people to have to deal with. We have a 2.5 gal cooler that we fill with (mostly) ice, water and limes. The 'Savant carries around with us until we get to the (non-profit) booths that we help staff. (The 'Savant works the FreeGeek booth, while I help out @ the CHOICE booth; yes we stagger the times and that's a whole 'nother entry.)

4. Everyone carries something Or, as my Friend Stephanie puts it,"Why have dwarves if you don't put them to work?" (Steph's not much into being PC.) Even a 5 year old can carry a small backpack lunch with a full water bottle and a plastic bag with some wet wipes in it.

5. Pack out your trash Did I mention that the 'Savant's volunteer shift is with the trash crew this year? This is what we do to make up for the sin of bringing our own food/water. It teaches some great lessons in responsibility and also helps moderate the kids' greed for junk food. "Do you really want to put that back into your backpack when you're done with it?" We put plastic grocery bags (which we still seem to have, even though we've been using recyclable bags since the winter) in everyone's lunch pack and the kids are responsible for coping with disposal when we get home.

My whirlwind week continued. CHOICE was one of the sponsors who brought Jennifer Block to town, to talk about her book, Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care. (Here's a link to her blog.)

She was mainly preaching to the choir. But I was able to take away this idea: "We have to start saying to our friends that we think their decisions about their births are a bad idea." I have always refrained from that, because I know that women need to give birth where they feel safest. But the current state of obstetrics, as it is practiced in this country, is, in many ways, unsafe. Yet I see and hear of so many competent women, who question authority adroitly, who research and educate themselves tirelessly when making choices, just putting themselves blindly in the hands of their OB. The only thing I've found so far that may partially explain it is this link, which the 'Savant sent me last week. It could be; I've always thought that oxytocin had a pheremonic quality.

Not being able to squirt hormones up the noses of my friends, I have found that it is folly to tell someone else that one thinks they are making a bad choice. Throwing down that gauntlet rarely gets someone to change their mind; instead it usually causes a defensive reaction that intensifies their commitment to the decision in question. But telling a friend "I am worried about your chances of having the birth you want in the hospital." can be a good way to open a discussion and do some educating.

So, what's going on?

"Fucking hell, where have you been?" you might be saying. And if you're saying it with a British accent you might be Eddie Izzard, or one of his devotees. I am quite the devotée (yes, with an accent aigu now that I've lifted Alissa's idea of copy-n-paste-ing it and have been ever since Mama Dee introduced me to the Dress To Kill soundtrack a few years ago. Ever since I started teaching the history classes I've been waiting for us to get to the period of the British Raj so I could show them the following:

And that will probably happen next week. But I digress, ( á l'Izzard). I've been waiting on some pictures (as well as time) to post this entry. Here's what happened:

So, about a month ago the 'Savant told me that M. Izzard was coming to town. The tickets had already been on sale for a month and there were no good seats left without paying scalper prices, which seemed a bit much, esp. after we had just went to see Billy Joel. So, Mama Dee and I decided, with heavy sighs, to forego the concert. (It was also an office night, and I had appts. as well.)

But, as the concert grew closer, I kept muttering (and sometime even whining), "I wanna go see Eddie Izzard." Finally, on the day of the concert, the 'Savant manifested a single ticket and told me to go, that he wasn't all that interested and was fine with staying home with the kids. (note to self: repeated whining works) I bowed to the will of fate, canceled my appts. and went to my closet to find something spectacular, yet comfortable, to wear. What does one wear to see a (gorgeous) transvestite comedian perform?

I was less than 6 feet from Eddie Izzard for 20 minutes while he did a Q & A at the Palace stagedoor after the show tonight, (which was brilliant BTW.) He's gorgeous and quite nice--better than cake. Can you name the show that featured that bit?

In other news, soccer is over!!! and next Sunday is the end of both the Our Whole Lives class and the regular religious ( 3rd grade) education I help teach at church. I might have a bit more time to blog, if I can get the kids caught up on all the schoolwork they've not had the time to do during the spring season.

Finally, here's the link to the radio interview on waterbirth that I helped do last week. They did leave out my enormous gaffe about water purity in India in the broadcasted version, but mentioned it in the printed edition. Next time, when asked whether water is clean enough for birthing, I'll just say (after coaching from Lindsay), "We drink it and that seems to work out okay."